That's What My World is Made of
by AemiliaeHistoriam
Summary: Love-starved Lovino Vargas is an average kid that goes to an average school. The only things that set him apart from most of his peers are his suicidal tendencies. It doesn't help that his life is a mess, or so he thinks. Can the annoying Spanish teacher help him realize that his life isn't so bad after all? I'm not great at writing summaries, I apologize.
1. Alarm of Hell set for 6:00

**Hello guys! Emil here. :3 This should work as the author's note, if not, I apologize. **

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is owned by Hidekazu Himaruya-Sama **

**This specific chapter is dedicated to the whole anime community on Smule :3**

_"Slugs and snails_

_and puppy-dogs' tails;_

_That's what little boys _

_are made of" _

_-from a popular 19th century nursery rhyme_

September 2013

I'd like to inform you, morning is _not_ my favorite time of day. Waking up at 6:00 AM, not used to waking up so early is total heck.

Usually Feliciano bares into my room, jumps on the bed, pokes my face, and says, "FRATELLO! Wake up! It's morning, c'mon!" This morning was no different.

"Lovino?! Wake..."At that moment, my alarm rang so loudly, even Feliciano recoiled. Peeved, I sat up.

"Shut the hell up, you little bastard!" I shouted, turning off my alarm.

"Aw, but Lovino," He whined, showing me his cute face,"I was just trying to wake you up."

"I don't _need_ to be woken up!" I slapped him across the face and he ran out, screaming and pouting. Sheesh, that idiot!

I got out of my bed and changed. The principal, Mr. Bielschmidt, would probably give me detention for my ripped jeans again, but naturally, I couldn't care less. I'm Lovino Vargas, the "delinquent" on Rosso Verde Avenue.

I'm still not exactly the best child in the world. Two years ago, I streaked my hair green, white, and red, much to grandpa's displeasure. A fellow classmate named Arthur was incredibly happy that I "went punk". The teachers and counselors at school, on the other hand, were not.

Besides annoying the teachers, getting into fights with the rest of the student body is something I'm relatively good at. Maybe it's my mouth that pisses off people or maybe it's my grades at _almost_ the top of the class. I try to achieve A's on my report card. Of course, I usually only get -A's and B's, no matter how hard I work.

On that happy thought, I hurried downstairs for breakfast.

As I entered the kitchen, the spicy aroma of herbs entered my nose. It was a homey smell, the only one that made me feel safe, though I would never admit it out loud. Grandpa sat at the head of the small wooden table in his usual sweatshirt, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper, something he commonly did in the mornings. His eyes looked even more sunken in than usual.

I felt a twinge of guilt when I saw him. He's always so stressed out from money troubles, family health problems, him always wanting to give us the best education. I never helped his anxieties.

"Good morning, Lovino." My grandfather regarded me calmly, and, as usual, chose to ignore my clothes and messy hair.

"Morning, Nonno." I murmured under my breath, serving myself some cereal.

"How are you this morning?"

I didn't answer. What was I suppose to say? _**I'm feeling terrible and horribly pissed off that a certain bastard Fratello of mine woke me up early. **_No. Just No. I may be the "Bad Boy" of my neighborhood, but I still hate getting spanked.

Just then, Feliciano skipped in, sat down, and started to wolf down his food. "Today's lovely...Isn't it?" He said between bites. One thing you night want to know about Feli: He has no shame. None whatsoever. I can tell you about at least _three_ times he streaked across Mr. Zwingli's lawn. Four words: It was not good.

"Why are you so damn happy all the time?!" I snapped.

"Lovino." Nonno sternly reminded me, "Language."

"Whatever." I muttered and continued to consume my breakfast at a leisurely pace. I was in no hurry to go to h*ll.

"Lovino, finish your breakfast." Grandpa urged, not looking up from his d*mned newspaper. "You're going to be late for school."

"F**k language!" I groused.

Nonno stood up from his chair at the head of the small table, his cheeks blazing. "We will deal with this language after school." And with that, he retreated into his man-cave.

It's not that I want the mouth I received from god! When mother was alive, she cussed _way_ more than I did. I guess I take after her in that way.

She was also kind and sweet like Feli, as well as sharing the same airhead quality with him. Nonno liked that about mother, his feelings transferring to Feliciano. But he expressed nothing but disappointment in me. I was Feli's "Evil Twin", the one that inherited my mother's bad traits.

I had nothing to look forward to on the first day of school, or at home. The only rays of sunshine were my friends that I can talk to after months of not seeing them. After school would come the lectures, the pain,

_**The knife.**_

**Yay! Our wild ride is finally starting after months of preparation! Hiya! I'm Emil. **

**So this story is mostly based on all of the cutting horror I've experienced from my friends. I am highly empathetic, even though my friends say I'm a female Kyoya (WRONG ANIME EMIL-CHAN), so this hit me quite hard. To work it out, I created this: A fanfiction full of clashing emotions and advice from my mom. :3 I hope you enjoy! **

** ~Emil**


	2. Diversity in Teachers? Pffft, No Way!

** Hey guys! I'm back with the second chapter! This specific chapter is dedicated to my dear friend Alex-San on smule. :3 I hope you like this!** ** Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA, CURSE WORDS, OR LOVINO'S THOUGHTS...Well, actually...I wrote this so yes, I OWN HIS THOUGHTS MWHAHAHAHA! Just joking XD **

My school is small, smaller than most schools. But the diversity of the people is amazingly large. There's a neat-freak of Dutch descent, a punk from England who's obsessed with Shakespeare, an idiot who relishes his job at McDonald's, a seriously girly Pole, plus many, _many_ more. I hate to admit it, but I love my school! It's happier and much, _much_, _MUCH_ more excepting than home.

"Oh my goodness! Lovino!" A girl's voice called from behind me.

I turned. Never had I been so happy to see the crazy brunette. "Hello Lizzy!" I exclaimed, waving.

Lizzy easily tackled me with a hug. "You've gotten so tall! And oh! your fashion sense is just getting better." She squealed. I personally had almost forgot about my rebellious choice of clothes. "Seriously, you _should_ be a fashion designer...No! You should model! The girls would be all over you! Oh, I'm sorry, I must be embarrassing you!"

"It's okay..." I lied, the heat rising to my head. Sheesh, does she do anything _but_ fangirl over me? Yep, she's one of those infamous fangirls. I met Lizzy two years ago, but we're close. NO! She is _not_ my girlfriend. She's just...Let's just say she'll never change.

"What classes do you have this year?

"Science first period," I read from my schedule. "Social studies second period, PE third p..."

Lizzy whooped. "We have PE the same time!"

I couldn't help but smile at her excitement, but there was another question bugging my mind. "Hey, do you know where Kiku is?"

Just then, Lizzy's pocket buzzed. Quickly, she took out her old-fashioned flip-phone, clicked a few buttons, then put it away. "He just texted me. He's, like, five seconds away."

I felt a twinge of jealousy. Grandpa had never trusted me with a cell phone. _**No, I would just use it**_ _**to contact my delinquent friends,**_ or so he thought. The thing is I hardly_ have_ any friends, much less friends that belong to gangs. Does anyone in my school work for a gang? Not that I know of. Anyways, Nonno probably has a good reason. Though the bastard's officially apathetic (to me at least), he's still _pretty good_ at telling right from wrong, a trait that he shares with my friend...Oh god, look who it is..._Great timing_.

"L-Lovino-Kun...What _are_ you wearing?!" The short, lanky, Asian boy looked absolutely _horrified_, much to my amusement. Kiku. My longtime friend. He's a bit too proper for my liking but he's a good person.

"What does it _look_ like I'm wearing?" I retorted.

"W-Well..."

"Long time no see, Kiku!" Lizzy interrupted.

"Oh...Hello Elizabeta-chan."

"You look darling as always!"

"T-thank you, Elizabeta-Chan. But Lovino-Kun...Excuse me but you really do need to be more modest."

I looked down at my pants. He was kind of right. but still, he needs to take a chill pill or something. "Who _cares_ if I'm showing too much? Oh yeah, _YOU_ will."

"It's not appropriate." "It's not like I'm wearing my swimsuit!" I reasoned, turning red.

"Still...you can't go around dishonoring your family like that!" Kiku protested. "Your grandfather and your brother are descent people. They don't need you soiling the family name."

There. You know Kiku: Polite, nosy, and obsessed with honor. I should've used to it by now, but no, I wasn't.

"F-F**k you!" I said, almost near tears. "I-I don't care! What kind of bastard are you?!" How could he compare me to my brother like that? The only people that didn't were Lizzy and Feliciano himself. Everyone ignored what I thought. _**Who cares, let's just forget what poor, little Lovino**_ _**Vargas thinks.**_

Trembling, I ran, ignoring the annoyance of people I pushed out of my way. I ran until I found myself near the exit doors of the school. Panting, I leaned against one of the doors, shouting all the curse words that came to my mind...Which were a lot. And let me tell you, people _**stared**_. A lot of them. But I'm used to it.

A passing teacher immediately stopped walking down the hallway, gave me the evil eye, wrote something on her clip board, and headed towards the principal's office, gesturing at me to follow. Reluctantly, I followed, my emotions boiling.

Principal Bielschmidt looked up from his paperwork, his frown increasing. He knew me well, always ready to get me suspended. It was probably because I bad-mouthed his sons many a time, right in front of their asses.

"So why in the holy _crapola_ am I here?!" I demanded.

"Language!" The teacher who had sent me here warned.

"Lovino," the principal said, "It seems that you have been reported for foul language and your..." Leave it to the authorities to draw things out.

"Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah! Get to the point already!" I was getting tired of being the bad guy.

Mr. Bielschmidt's nostrils flared. I could tell he wasn't used to being talked back to. "Young man, Mrs. Karpusi here caught you breaking several rules in the hallway."

That was Mrs. Karpusi?! I'd heard stories about what she did to children in detention...not good. She had a son that I've seen a couple times with Kiku. The poor kid. The thing is, she hardly looked like her son. Instead of soft brown waves, her hair was a wild mess of not only brown, but also blonde and gray. It was so messed up I wondered which color was natural..._**probably the gray.**_

"Number one, your attire does not follow the dress code. Two..." Mr. Bielschmidt continued. "Wait a darn second!" I protested, "What dress code?!"

"No interrupting. The dress code was sent in the orientation email. Continuing on..."

"No! I don't even have an email and my grandpa didn't even _tell_ me about this email!"

Mrs. Karpusi stared at me like I was an insect that happened to talk and cuss. "What kind of people do you hang out with, Lovino?"

I glared at her. How _dare_ she blame my problems on my friends?! They might hurt my feelings once in a great while but they were good people in general. "My friends are perfectly good people, ma'am."

"Who are they?" She sounded suspicious which only made me angrier. "Kiku Honda and Elizabeta Héderváry, ma'am." I seethed, trying not to deck her.

Mrs. Karpusi pondered this for a minute or two. "Kiku's a good kid. He's a friend of my son. Elizabeta? I don't know about her. She seems like bad news to me. Did she tell you about why she left her old school?"

"How?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"She hit a boy on the head with her textbook. The boy was somehow _hospitalized_ for _a week_."

"That's ridiculous! And that doesn't mean she's so damn reckless now!"

Mrs. Karpusi shot me another look. "A troubled child _stays_ a troubled child. Don't let her influence you."

"F**..."

"Mr. Vargas. You are suspended for two days."

Of course. Yippee. I started towards the door, not wanting to here anymore of his shit.

"Lovino." Mr. Bielschmidt said sharply. "I did not dismiss you."

"I don't care." I snapped.

"This behavior will not continue any longer. If it does," his gaze seemed to intensify for effect, "I will have to speak to your guardian."

That's the last thing I wanted.

"Well, sir," My face was hot with anger, "Have one _hell _of a nice day." And with that, I stormed out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ** Awww, poor Lovi! **

** Okay, onto the story line:** ** Lovino and his friends happen to live in an imaginary town in New York, NOT NYC, mind you! Imaginary 'cause I doubt there's a town in NY where everyone is extremely familiar with Eurovision, since ESC is my life's music. This will be important later in the fic. SONG FIC GALORE! **

**Now, onto why I choose those specific people as his friends:** ** In several Spamano fanfictions I have read, and liked, they made the point that Lovi doesn't mind hanging out with girls. This is where Lizzy comes in. Besides, Lizzy is friends with Feli so...Well...Why not make him friends with the older brother? ** ** The other friend that shows up in this chapter is Kiku. We all know Kiku ; He's calm, polite, and tactful...Everything Lovi is _NOT_ (I'm sorry Lovi T_T). He balances out our loud-mouthed main character, kinda like Yin and Yang. He's also a friend of Feli's, so again, WHY NOT KIKU?**

** You'll meet the rest of them in later chapters :3 **

** Have a great day! ~Emil**


	3. Identity

** Warning: HEAVY ANGST! Well...It's not the worst of mine, but it's pretty...Interesting.** **This specific chapter is dedicated a certain girl who went by the name "Glitchy". I don't know what happened to her, but if you see this...Please don't get mad.**

The punishment I got was not pretty, but the how I chastised myself was worse. I won't go into the bloody details(yes! I said bloody. Don't make a big fuss) but I was broken, physically and mentally from both encounters, to say it decently. So there I was in my room for hours, crying on my bed, cutting and getting blood all over the mattress.

_ My blood_. That thought made me feel sick. But I couldn't stop myself.

It didn't help that fucking _One Direction_ was playing on our neighbor's radio.

"F**k you!" I shouted out the window, they didn't seem to hear me.

Somehow I managed to finish the homework Feliciano brought home for me and thought of several different ways to apologize to Kiku. Kiku wasn't one to hold grudges so hopefully he'd accept the apology when I made it.

I was sincerely sorry, really! If you don't believe me, tough luck. I'm not always the bad boy people make me out to be.

_Bad boys don't do art_, I thought as I fingered the red three-ringed binder on my bed. Most people don't know this, but I _love_ to draw. Of course, I'm no good at it. Feliciano's much better.

Sketching fruit is one of my passions. Usually having a HB pencil in my hand and a drawing pad on my lap will make me feel better, but today it just made me want to snap the lead in half and tear the paper into an infinite amount of confetti. The thought almost made me laugh: Shredding expensive art paper and tossing it out that window, watching it scatter in the wind, or, using it for Easter next year by putting some in Feli's Easter basket. D**mit! I was starting to think like my little brother, that happy, _cheerful_, _perfect_ little...bastard...

I broke down in tears again. _D**m this!_ I scolded myself. _Since when do you have crying jags?! It's beneath you!_ But was it? It definitely wasn't below Feliciano. And if I was below Feliciano...I cursed again and decided to amuse myself by staring around my bedroom.

A stuffed wolf named Katerina was slumped in the corner, close to the large rectangular window. She is quite old, since I got her when I was four, but still incredibly soft. I went over to the corner and picked her up. It was cute, truthfully but...wait WHAT!? I'm too old for stuffed animals! Annoyed, I tossed Katerina onto my bed and went to look out the window.

There was an Italian flag flying in the backyard; My idea. Since I was of Italian heritage, I thought it was appropriate. I was incredibly patriotic to the country I had never set foot on. F**k America!

Even though I've never been to Italy, I've been to many other places. A framed picture of Feliciano and I sat on the desk. Looking at it made me feel sad, for it was from a time when I was happy. We had gone on vacation to the Maine coast for a weekend. Feliciano was finishing up a sandcastle and I was sticking a small Italian flag on the top. Ah...The good old days...

My eyes then landed on my, now bloody, knife, a replica of a ceremonial Japanese suicide sword, given to me by my grandfather when he visited Japan. _"You have to learn how to defend yourself, Nonno can't protect you forever!" _He had teasedwhile giving me the knife._ "Here, this will help."_

Looking at the knife now, it seemed to mock me. The only thing I needed to protect myself from was _myself_. Samurai used these for suicide. What if I... _LOVINO ROMANO VARGAS! _I screamed at myself, banging my head against the wall,_ Since_ _when are you suicide?! _

That was I stupid question. I was _always_ suicidal and nothing could change that. But not like _this_. I resented my brother, my grandfather, my attitude, but most of all: My life. That was all I could think about when the blade hit my wrist, tearing through the olive-colored skin that covered my skeleton. At first, I felt nothing, which probably meant I was numb from pain. It was as if I had "stabbed" myself with an unsharpened pencil. But it's always possible to sharpen the lead. Then the pain hit. I winced. _What had gotten into me?_

Gingerly, I removed the blade and safely stored it under the mattress. I found some old shirts and ripped them up for bandages. Grandpa never used band-aids. He said it was bad for the environment.

"LOVINO! TIME FOR DINNER!" Grandpa sing-song voice came from downstairs.

"WAIT ONE F**KING MINUTE, I'M COMING!" I yelled with difficulty while wrapping my wound.

_F**k, if only he knew._

**I apologize. My Lovi will be like this for awhile now. By the end of this fanfiction, I promise that he will have better control of it. If it's not realistic, tough luck.** ** By the way, the title came from Albania's ESC 2013 song. I was looking around at inspirational titles and stuff and I happened upon "Identity". Also, chapter two's title was supposed to be "Diversity in Teachers? Nah, They're all the same" but unfortunately, I couldn't fit that. :( I liked it a lot better that way. ** ** Another side note: I have nothing against One Direction. In fact, when I was younger, I used to really love 1D. I hope I haven't offended anyone with this.**


	4. Endlessly

**Hi again!** ** Welcome to chapter 4 :3 This particular chapter is dedicated to a fellow Panda fan. Go pandas! :3 ** ** Of course, this has nothing to do with Pandas :(** ** DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia.**

Dinner was ravioli to celebrate Feliciano's first day of high school(that was not my idea...sheesh, the little bastard even gets to celebrate while I feel like heck.) No one, thankfully, mentioned what had happened to me today but I still could read Grandpa's vibes: _he was not pleased._

I wrapped my pasta around my fork and brought it to my lips. This was just the kind of home I hated, living in fear of rebuke. I loved my grandfather, I really did, but I missed the old him. When he would smile and ruffle my hair if I made some smart-aleck idiotic remark. When he would give me guitar lessons every night after school. After mother died, he changed to what he was now: more reserved, harsher, less tolerant. Every day was depressing nowadays. Too much...

"Nonno! Lovino!" Feliciano suddenly piped up, "I met my Homeroom teacher today! He's very nice."

I rolled my eyes at this. Leave it to Feliciano to be the fucking teacher's pet.

"That's nice," Grandpa replied, obviously not paying attention to what Feliciano was saying. He was also picking at his food in the same manner as I was.

"He's so cool! He's from Spain and speaks Spanish fluently! Everyone in my class loves him, and oh! Grandpa..."

I was barely listening, feigning interest, nodding and saying "Yeah, go on." every few seconds. _What was wrong_ _with him? _Couldn't he read the mood and tell something was wrong? _No,_ I reminded myself, h_e couldn't._ Feli wasn't like that.

"...And then, guess what he said?! He told..."

"FELICIANO, WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" I snarled, surprising even myself. I didn't think I could speak so loudly after what had happened earlier.

"But Lovino..." "NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PIECE OF SHIT TEACHER, _OKAY?_ NO ONE DOES. SO JUST STOP! STOP IT!" I was, much to my embarrassment, near tears. My outburst was so sudden, even Feliciano was speechless.

Grandfather stood up from his chair, his face red. From annoyance or anger? I don't know which. " LOVINO..."

"_Stop_...I don't want to hear it..." I sobbed, cursing myself. "I'm just..._sick_ of this." The cut on my arm was starting to sting painfully. Was it a coincidence?

"Fratello...!" Feliciano protested, looking genuinely concerned.

"Maybe if you controlled yourself, this wouldn't be happening." Grandpa interrupted us, his tone as cold as the forgotten pasta on the table in front of us.

"What wouldn't be happening?" Feliciano asked, clueless as always.

"You wouldn't understand." I muttered, avoiding his eyes. _God help me_, I begged, glancing at the ceiling.

"Lovino, go to your room." For once I was glad of the punishment.

"Fratello, wait! What's wrong?!" Feliciano asked, his annoyingly happy look gone from his face.

"_Feliciano_, I asked him to leave. Don't ask him unwanted questions."

I had never heard grandpa talk to Feliciano like that. It made me mad. How could he even treat his favorite grandson like that? But I didn't argue, I wanted to leave.

I turned and fled.

When I was finally alone in my room, hugged Katerina, and cried. It was childish, I know, but even grownups cry when they're stressed out. Maybe even Mrs. Karpusi and Mr. Bielschmidt...well..._probably not Mr. Bielschmidt_. But my point is, there's nothing wrong with crying.

_I cried myself to sleep that night. _

_**************************************************************************************************************************************_ _ "Fratello?" _ Feliciano's voice interrupted my deep void of sleep.

I opened one of my eyes. _Oh...why him of all the people in world that could've come?_ Panicking, I shoved my cut arm under the soft covers. Silly of me. It was dark, Feliciano couldn't see. Unfortunately, I couldn't either for various reasons. One thing I could see easily was Feli's green, fluffy, footsie pajamas. He usually wore these during the cold seasons. I have matching red ones but I've never worn them. Usually I only wear a tank top and shorts, nothing fancy. But now this only made me feel bad about not wearing them. "What the heck do you want? Hurry up 'cause I want to go back to sleep." I grumbled, yawning and rubbing my arms.

"I want to know what's going on."

"It's none of your business." I replied, sleepy.

"_Why are you cutting?_" He sounded so serious. To be honest, it scared me. Oh sh*t.

"Who said I was cutting?"

"It's obvious, Fratello! Your arm...It's all bandaged!" He practically yelped. " and it wasn't like that when I gave you your homework! You're always at scratching it! And..."

Damn, I forgot that my cutting caused a huge family problem when I was younger.

"Why are you so worried about me?" I snapped. "Why would you care?! You're Nonno's _favorite_ and he loves you to pieces. And don't talk so loudly, you're going to wake grandpa up."

Feliciano's eyes filled with tears. "You're my fratello. I care more about you than almost anything." He said, more quietly this time, thank god.

_I care more about you than almost...anything? _I felt like such a bad brother. But he's the one making me look bad...Right?

"Go to sleep, Feli."

"But..." He protested.

"I said, go to sleep." I muttered.

"O-okay..." Feliciano left me in the darkness of my room. I hate to admit it but I'm slightly scared of the dark. But, somehow...I managed to fall asleep again.

I dreamt of falling into that deep black void of obscurity.

**I'M SO SORRY LOVI DX **

** Apologies, I can't write angry grownups very well. And yes, I know I'm taking the story too fast. Sorry. Anyways, Feli isn't as clueless in my world as he is normally. Yes, he may act clueless but he's actually a very intelligent, awareofeverything-type person. Lovino's lucky to have such a good brother :3**

** I believe Antonio shows up in the next chapter :) So enjoy!**


	5. Tomato Angel

** Hello guys! Emil here! :3 ** ** This is dedicated to my friend ImmortalZoe on Smule.** ** Enter Antonio F. Carriedo's POV! I hope you enjoy :3 **

**Reviews are appreciated.** ** DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia, nor do I own the Vargas' homemade pasta sauce XD.**

_ Hola~! _ I'm Antonio, a freshman home room teacher.

Since you just met me, I'll tell you a few interesting things about myself. Turtles and tomatoes are the best things on earth. I enjoy my job because I really love kids. But one day, I hope to find my soulmate so I can make my own. _Impossible_ _thought right? _I'd never met a girl who would date me for more than a month.

It was today that a student of mine, Feliciano Vargas, invited me to come home with him for dinner. It was out of the blue since it was only the third day that the school year started, but he looked so cute, I couldn't possibly turn him down.

"I'm home!" Feliciano announced when we entered his house.

An older man sitting on a rocking chair, reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee in his hands, looked up. "Hello Feliciano! How was your day? And oh, hello good stranger! Who might you be?"

I was not used to being called "good stranger" but I didn't mind. This place seemed like a good influence, a happy place. It smelled of spices and tomato sauce as well as some of my other favorite things. "I'm Antonio, Feliciano's Homeroom teacher~!"

The man smiled warmly, his brown eyes sparkling with delight. "Pleased to meet you, I'm Feliciano's grandfather but you can call me Roma. Feliciano has talked about you so much!"

_Feliciano...Likes me that much? Fist pump for me~!_

"Hey!" A new voice yelled from the stairway, "Who's this bastard?" An older boy, maybe about sixteen(?), came down the stairs with a sketch pad under his arm. I couldn't help but catch my breath. He was _stunning._ I'd never seen human hair in such a lovely shade of auburn. And though his amber eyes were guarded, I new they were hiding the same sort of sparkle as his grandfather's.

Roma didn't seem to appreciate this angel as much as I did, unfortunately, his eyes immediately narrowing. "Lovino! Be nice to our guest!"

The boy, Lovino, lowered his piercing gaze the slightest bit. "Yes, sir."

My goodness he really was beautiful. This family was really jam packed with stunning people.

"We're making pasta for dinner tonight!" Feliciano said in a sing-sing voice. "Lovino, help me cut the tomatoes!"

I smiled. It was pretty ironic that Lovino was wearing a white T-shirt that had an Andy Warhol tomato-can that said _"besame mucho!"_ on it. How cute!

Lovino's bandaged arms deftly sliced the tomatoes into little, round, delectable..._Wait...bandaged? How could someone hurt such an angel?_

"Hey Lovi, what happened to your arms?" I asked, impulsively.

Lovino stopped cutting. I could see his stance stiffen a little. "It's none of your business, bastard. And don't call me Lovi, my name is Lovino."

I grinned. "Okay Lovi~!" _Oh, how I love teasing kids~!_

"What the heck?! I said my name was Lovino!" He said that with slight agitation, as if the name pained him. Of course, I knew tons of people who hated their real names, so this was perfectly normal.

"I give all the kids I meet pet names." I explained. "Like Feliciano here is Feli~!" I replied, patting Feliciano's head.

"I'm not a damn _kid_!" Lovi snapped.

"It's true! He nicknamed everyone in class!" Feli said, making puppy eyes at his brother.

Annoyed, Lovino smacked his brother lightly on the shoulder. "Still, _don't_ call me Lovi." He snapped, avoiding my eyes.

"Aw, fratello. Well, anyways, dinners almost ready, why don't you go sit down." Feliciano said happily.

"I'm not hungry." Lovi growled.

"Now Lovino, we have a guest, so since you're not hungry, why don't you entertain us." Roma suggested.

"F**k you! I am _not_ your toy."

"Oooh, feisty aren't you~!" I teased, receiving a dirty look from him.

"Fratello! You play guitar! You should sing that funny love song again." Feliciano suggested, putting a plate of steaming pasta at my place at the table.

Lovino turned an even deeper, cute tomato red. "There's no way in_ hell_ I'm going to sing that! That song's embarrassing!"

"What song?" The grandfather asked after taking a sip of his coffee.

"_Don't tell him._ If you do, I'll kill you." Lovino threatened, turning even more red.

"But fratello..." Feli protested.

"_No_!"

"I'd like to hear it." I commented.

"Your f**king vote doesn't count." Lovino retorted.

"Lovino, be polite to our guest." Roma scolded, "I'd like to hear it as well."

"See Lovi~?" I smiled widely, "Three against one. You have to do it." "_Fine! _But I'm only singing one verse!" Lovino stuck out his tongue and went to go get his guitar.

"Yay! It's been a while since he's sung. I _can't wait_ to hear him! " Feli clapped his hands.

_I had to admit I couldn't wait either. _

**Hiya! **

** As you can tell, I'm not the best at writing in Antonio's POV. It's partly because he's so childishly optimistic, if you didn't notice. The poor guy's head over heels in love with the Immagonnacursemyfaceoff **

** Are you waiting for the next songfic chapter? I hope you are! This one will need LOTS of editing so it might take awhile. While you're waiting, I'd appreciate if you'd review and take a guess at what the song might be! :3 **

** Hint one: It's a eurovision song.**

** Hint two: It's Italian**

** Hint three: It's from the 21st century.**

** Have fun and good luck :3**


	6. Mess I Left

**Hello guys! Ready for my first songfic-chapter? This is still Antonio's POV.** ** This specific chapter is dedicated to a girl named Kuraiko-San on Smule. She introduced me to the awesomeness of this song XD**

** DISCLAIMER: L'ammore E Femmina belongs to Nina Zilli-sama as well as Hetalia belonging to Himaruya-Sama. I suggest listening to it while you read it. Reviews are appreciated. :3 Thanks!**

Lovino finally came back after an agonizingly slow with a slightly beat-up, acoustic guitar. "Just to tell you, bastard, I'm doing this for myself." He snapped.

"Lovino!" Roma sounded horrified. "Forgive my grandson, Antonio. He's just..._odd_."

"I like him~!" I replied, smiling.

_For love, it is possible to look on the bright side..._wait WHAT?! This was a _kid_ I was talking about! A _kid_! The brother of one of my students.

Lovino looked up from tuning, a cute grimace plastered to his face. "I HEARD THAT GRANDPA! And _SHUT UP,_ BASTARD!"

"Just start~!" I demanded cheerily.

"Fine! Just shut the hell up!"

_"Lovino!"_

_**Unbelievable,**_

_** I can't wait to go,**_

_** But like a rolling stone, **_

_** You hit me boom, boom, boom**_

I'd heard this song on the TV before, probably last year's Italian Eurovision entry, but then it wasn't played on the acoustic guitar. _ It definitely wasn't sung by this angel. _ But their tone qualities was similar, I guess it's a Italian thing.

_** If you were my king,**_

_** Would I be my queen?**_

_** Stop breaking up my heart,**_

_**You kill me boom, boom, boom**_

_** Day and night, it's a fight**_

_** Don't know where you are,**_

_** When I'm close you're far**_

_** Oh, no, no**_

I began to sense some sincerity in the lyrics he was singing because his eyes seemed to gain intensity, if that's even possible. _Was he talking about his exgirlfriend or something?_ The pain in his eyes was too deep to be acting. What could it be? Oh, there's me being nosy again.

_** Day and night, it's a lie,**_

_** I waste my tears and you shoot pool**_

_** L'amore è Femmina,**_ _** Se non riceve non si da **_

_** This is the mess you left**_

_** I'm out of love and it's a fact, (**__**You left, out of love and it's a fact)**_

_** I'm sure you'll smile,**_ _** You have to go,**_

_**You're an independent grown man after all,**_

He said that those lines with such _vengeance _I was sure they applied to him in his life, whether it was about past love or not. His eyes were locked on mine. Olives to emeralds, _earth_ to _grass_.

_Your stupid, poetic mind, Antonio!_ The curse of the geeky Homeroom teacher.

_** Out of love,**_

_**Must have been sent from up above,**_

_** La, la, la.**_

The sickly sweet tone of his with with the underlying menace fascinated me. I wondered what the cause of this feeling was. _Was this love? No. Antonio! You're a grown man who's dated twelve girls who dumped you after a week or so. You felt the exact same way with all of them...was that true?_ It had been so long ago that I had fallen in love. But this seemed...Different...Maybe because it was a guy instead of a hot girl.

_** Have you turned to stone?**_

_** King without a throne,**_

_** You're great but not impressive,**_

_** Lots of up and low,**_

He seemed to be sneering at me, challenging me to protest either his song choice or his facial expression.

_Was he_ _criticizing my personality? No, I must be thinking too hard._ There was no way he was singing about me.

_**I**__**t's so typical,**_

_** When it's time to go. **_

_**You knock me on the floor, **_

_** My heart goes boom, boom, boom**_

My heart pounded _"boom, boom, boom" _right along with the words. My hand flew to my throat. Why was this teenaged boy making me feel so...riled up.

"_This is too much..._" I whispered.

_**Day and night, it's a fight,**_

_**Don't know where to start,**_

_** When you're close I'm far,**_

_** Oh, no, no**_

_** Day and night, it's a lie,**_

_** I dried my tears, **_

_**But you want more**_

I suddenly noticed that Feliciano had stopped eating. He was staring open mouthed at his brother with his fork in his hand. I was sure he knew what was being referenced to. The boy seemed clueless, but he really seemed to take in more than most people would.

_**L'amore é femmina, **_ _** S**__**e non riceve no si da,**_

_**Clean up this mess you left**_

_**I'm out of love and it's a fact,**_

_** I'm sure you'll smile**_

_** Ready to go**_

_** You're an independent grown man after all, **_

_** Out of love**_

_** Must've been sent from above **_

_** La, la, la,**_

_** Ma che caldo fa uh uh,**_

_** I'll let you think twice**_

_** I don't wanna cause any pressure,**_

_** But you have asked yourself why**_ _** I bought a brand new gun shot.**_

Roma's eyes were filled with tears of pride. I somehow knew he had helped with the learning process of this great musician. It was crazy intuition.

"He's great, isn't he~!" I whispered.

"Si." He wiped a tear from his eye. "_The best musician of all._"

_**L'amore é femmina,**_ _**Se non riceve no si da,**_

_** La prendo comoda,**_

_**Calcolo le possibilità,**_ (_** Tic tac, una possibilità,)**_

_** Quello che vuoi,**_ _** Se non ce l'hai,**_

_** Siamo tutti insoddisfatti come mai,**_

_** Femmina se non riceve no si da,**_

_** La, la, la**_

At first, no one spoke. Their faces were impossible to read. Suddenly, Feli pipped up; "That wasn't one verse, fratello."

"Nobody asked _you_, f**k*ss! T-that's...what I wanted to do."

"Your voice is beautiful, Lovi ~!" I commented.

"_Shut up!_" He seethed, sweat dripping down his forehead. "Boys _aren't _beautiful."

"I never said _you_ were, but now that you've mention it, you _are_ beautiful, Lovi~!"

"F**k you!"

"Lovino!" Roma scolded his grandson. "_Watch your language._ Other than that, your performance was beautiful."

"It wasn't a performance, d*mmit!"

_When I left that night, I wondered where I left my heart._

**Tacky ending, no? **

** It would be a good idea to look up this song with you haven't already. It's so Lovi and lady has such a great attitude! :3 It is, unfortunately, not played on a guitar, but someone did make a guitar cover on YouTube. **

** Anyways, this is what my songfics looked like until a few weeks ago when I somehow found a way to stick them into the plotline of the chapter XD.**


	7. Love is Fucking Female

**WARNING: MORE ANGST! ** ** This is dedicated to a fellow Homestuck fan. :)** ** DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**

That was totally _not _my idea to sing the f**king song. Thank goodness the Antonio bastard left. He not only made me mad but so d*mn confused!

"Fratello," Feliciano came to me at bedtime with tears in his eyes. "Did you sing that..._were you trying to express something to Nonno?" _

I stopped flossing my teeth.

_Why the heck is he so smart?!_

"Maybe..." That wasn't _exactly_ a lie, but in my heart I knew I was also reprimanding Antonio(?).

"But _why_, fratello?!" Sheesh, the song must've hit him a little _too close_ to home.

I threw my dental floss in a near by wastebasket and picked up my toothbrush. "Do you _really_ want to know?"

"_Yes_!"

"The jerk bastard makes my f**king life so hard! And _he_ doesn't seem to notice!"

"Don't call grandpa a bastard, fratello!"

"I don't care what you say! Just _go away_ and leave me in peace!"

Feliciano pouted but left without a struggle. Why is he so..._alert_ at times when he's a d*mb*ss at others? Now I had to think. _ Did I sing it for grandpa or for Antonio?_

Well, the parts about fighting all the time reflected over our family relationship. But the rest...that was all for Antonio. F**k, why?! I _couldn't_ be falling I'm love with a guy nine or more years older than me! I just met him and he's Feliciano's teacher for goodness sake! And how the _heck_ could he ever like me back? He could probably get any girl he ever wanted! _He's handsome and funny..._

I spit my toothpaste all over the mirror in my anger. _F**k! Why did this always happen to me?! I was never into_ _girls but when I do fall in love it's with a f**king old man! _I grabbed a washcloth and dosed the mirror in water.

When I looked back at the mirror, what I saw terrified me.

Was that _me_ in it's reflection?Sh*t I was as ugly as heck, with that disgustingly stringy auburn hair, those amber eyes, the olive skin. If I was ever to find a boyfriend, I would never snag him with my looks. Maybe my personality would be enough...But what was to like about it?! Except if the guy likes a "bad*ss" boyfriend that has an insecure heart and slices up his arms all the time. Antonio didn't need someone he had to take care of. I'd like to think that I could take care of myself, but I can't.

_That's the harsh truth. _

_SHIT, _That did it for me.

I grabbed the medical tape from the bathroom cupboard.(I would need it in a few minutes.) And then, after walking slowly to my room, I found the knife under the mattress. "Why," I whispered through tears, "why does it always turn out like this?" I held the knife tightly, so tightly my fingers turned white.

Time seemed to slow as I grazed my skin the blade ...deep..._deeper...deep..._

"_What the hell are you doing, fratello?_" I didn't notice that Feliciano had entered, and boy, he looked furious.

"None of your business." I said bitterly.

"I _knew _you were up to something!" He shrieked and tried to grab the knife but I easily held it away from him. "_F**k you,_ fratello! _What are you thinking? _Are you mad just because your _confused_ on whether you like Antonio or not?!"

I was shocked. I had never seen Feliciano act this way. My cheeks burned. "I never said I liked him!"

"It's obvious! Your eyes! _Look in a mirror! _Your eyes held a passion around him! A passion _too strong_ to be fake!"

Was it really that obvious that even the little bastard could tell? "That doesn't mean I like Anton..."

"Stop it, Lovino," Feliciano begged. "I don't want to lose family to this."

I avoided his eyes, trying to punish him for..._for what? Being a ditz? _

"Fratello, you're a lovely, attractive boy. _You don't have to worry about it._"

How the heck did that end up in the conversation? "I _refuse_ to believe that from you." I reasoned, "You're my brother, not..."

"You're right, I'm _not _Antonio."

"SHUT UP!" _ Why was he embarrassing me like this? _

"The point is, don't hurt yourself!" Feliciano pleaded.

"Your not my mother." I retorted.

"I'm not your mother, but I can still tell anyone I want to!"

I froze. Oh god, help me. "_Please don't tell Nonno..._" The last thing I needed was Feliciano telling on me.

"I will if I want to!" With that, he left.

_ I was dead._

"F**k you." I whispered as I threw the knife at the window. I crawled into bed, forgetting to wrap my arm. I looked up at the skylight on my ceiling.

When I was younger, I saw a special star that I could always see from my bed. Before I figured out it was a planet, not a star, I had named it "Alessandro" after an old pet duck of mine. I smiled, just_ thinking_ about little "Alessandro" up in the sky made me happy.

_"Goodnight, Alessandro."_ I said softly. Then I fell asleep.

** Okay...WELCOME THE ANGST XD I'M SORRY GUYS. The anime duo will find out soon enough, don't worry! :)**

** The star thing...Don't ask me what that's about, i came up with the idea long ago. XD DX**

**Again, I have no experience personally with cutting, just my friends**

** I'd like to thank all my reviewers, especially ZodiacWriter :) Please keep it up, 'cause it makes me very happy :)**


	8. Unneeded Friends to Rely On

**Second entrance the duo of friends/hentai-lovers XD I hope you enjoy 'cause they're programmed to show up in almost all of the chapters.** ** This one's dedicated to Teto-chan. :) Don't worry, I'll draw your picture soon! ** ** DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**

I came to school the next morning to find Feliciano talking to Lizzy and Kiku, which was quite normal. The only thing odd was that Feli seemed flustered. He was gesturing wildly with his hands while Lizzy and Kiku looked on, concerned. For one, it was odd for Lizzy to even be concerned!

_ Oh god, did he fall again?_

Why did I even care? The annual math test was today and I'd be shot by Nonno if I got less than 100% right. Though I cared about him, I had no time for Feli right now. My brain was filled with fucking mathematical equations.

Unfortunately, Lizzy saw me and oh shit...she looked really pissed.

"Lovino, what's going on?" She demanded.

There was no sign of bullies or teachers. Everyone must've been in class. Great, I had to face a wrathful Lizzy without anyone around except for Mr. I'msofuckingperfect.

"What do you mean _'what's going on'_?" I asked hotly.

For some reason, I was in a bad mood that day. Probably from the day before.

Without warning, Lizzy caught my wrist in her hand and pushed up the sleeve. Sh*t, she was strong.

Kiku's walnut-brown eyes widened. He was one of the last people I wanted seeing my scars.

_"Dammit, _it's worse than I thought." Lizzy muttered, then she stared at me. "Do you clean these out?"

"Why the heck did you do that?!" I protested. _Fun fact: I hate being touched, grabbed, and/or manhandled but anyone other than Feliciano. Actually, Feli in certain situations._

"My question is why did you do _THIS_?!" She gestured to my chopped up arm. She then proceeded to clean it with the first aid kit Kiku had pulled out of nowhere. Sometimes I hate having best friends.

"Hold on, how do you know about this?!" I demanded, wincing.

"That doesn't can't keep things like that from your best friends." Kiku said quietly, which was not odd 'cause he always speaks quietly. But his words seemed fiercer, not as timid as usual. "This is _stupid_, Lovino-Kun. You're not only hurting yourself, you're hurting your friends and family."

_Leave it to him to talk about "not being selfish"._

"Easy for you to say!" I spat. "You live in a family of five where you all _depend_ on each other!"

"B-but Lovin..."

"Leave it be, Kiku." Lizzy snapped. "_Lovino, is this because of a girl?_"

"None of your d*mn business."

"Ah hah!" Lizzy shouted. "_Eureka! _What girl?"

"I never said it was a f**king girl!" I shouted. "Now I need to get to class! Would you _mind _getting off of me?!"

"Not till we're finished with _this_." Jeez, could she get any scarier?!

"_Elizabeta,_" I hardly used her full name, when I did, she knew that meant trouble. "If you don't let go _RIGHT NOW_ I will tell Roderich what you do everyday after school." I regretted having to get Lizzy's boyfriend involved but that was the only way. It's not like I'd even tell him anyways.

Lizzy unwillingly let go of my arm. "We will talk in the park, _after school_." She growled. Then she stomped off like the stubborn girl she is.

That left me with Kiku.

"I'm sorry about her." Kiku said softly.

"What's she so d*mn worried about?" I groaned.

"She's worried about you, Lovino-Kun. So am I. Feliciano came to us and..." He clapped his hand over his mouth.

"So it was that little bastard!" I exclaimed, quite annoyed. Yesterday had been bad luck.

"Please_ don't_ blame him for this!" Kiku pleaded. "He was_ so_ worried. He said he thought something happened but he didn't know what. His home room teacher came over for supper and you got all flustered."

_D*mmit Feliciano! Why did you tell them that?!_

"F**k this all." I cursed. "That's not true."

That was probably one of the biggest lies I've ever told. Kiku always knew when I lie. He did now, I could tell. "Anyways, I'll see you after school. Good luck with your math test."

Then he walked off.

"See you too." I muttered. In my mind,

I knew today was going to _suck. _

**Okay, I know. This is awfully short and to the point. It'll get better, I promise.**

** I'm gonna start calling these two the hentai duo since they're pretty obsessed with their manga XD Anyways, Lovino is getting help from...DUH DUH DUH! My favorite person/Alter ego Tino! :) I know that really doesn't make sense with the whole "axis-y" thing going on but I don't make sense anywhere either so there!**

** By the way, reviews are appreciated since I love talking to other people :) Come talk to me guys! I wanna hear about your anime life XD**

**Enjoy ****:3**


	9. 15 or 40? Which is it?

**Hiya! This chapter is pretty OOC and will stay OOC from now on. Don't like, don't read XD**

** This chapter is specifically dedicated to Brightclaw on Smule. :)**

** DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA**

I wasn't paying attention during the math test(sheesh, sorry), but how could I? I had just discovered my best friend was suicidal and I hadn't had a clue. Some friend I am.

"Thank god Feliciano told us." I muttered under my breath.

Unfortunately, it's almost illegal to "daydream" in class. It's punishable by death during a test.

"_Elizabeta_!" Mrs. Karpusi yelled, rapping on the desk with her ruler. "_What_ did I just ask you?!"

Yes, this is partly an fucking oral test.

"_Screw you_," I whispered, then, loudly enough for everyone to hear, I replied. "W-what?! I can't hear, I have a little hearing problem from...um...the ear infection I had last week."

From the front row, Kiku shot me a death glare. Hopefully he wouldn't tell Mrs. Karpusi that I had been lying. Of course, like everyone, he knew what the consequences were if he did. He _was_ one of my friends after all. Even Lovino won't mess with me when I'm mad.

"You should've told one of the teachers earlier, dear, but that's fine. I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like to get it checked in the Nurse's office?" Mrs. Karpusi actually looked concerned.

_D*mmit lady! I'm not the one you should be_ _worried about! There's a boy in my row, just begging for help!_ _Well_...not _exactly._

I quickly glanced over at Lovino before Mrs. Karpusi could say anything, who was a desk over.

_Why hadn't I noticed it before? _

The poor sixteen and a half year old looked stressed out. His hair was messy and his eyes, heavily lidded...and _god_, his clothes! I needed to talk to him about that. An off-the-shoulder sweater in a sickening shade of salmon pink and another pair of ripped jeans hung off his skinny frame. Knowing him, he probably knitted the sweater himself...

_He probably ripped the jeans in a mad rage._

I needed to find help for him. But _who_? I hardly trust anyone!

"_ELIZABETA, DEAR!_ ANSWER THE QUESTION! Do you need to go or not?"

_Jeez, _Mrs. Karpusi had a temper! I felt so bad for her son, Herakles.

"_Whoops_...Yes, I need to go." I replied, slipping out of my seat. "Thank you, ma'am!" I gagged while saying ma'am, but c'mon! You have to be _somewhat _polite.

"Don't take too long!"

###

I ran through the empty hallways, down the stairs, and into the teacher's hall. I was probably going to get in trouble when Mrs. Karpusi or any other teacher realized I didn't really go to the nurse's office, but it was for a good cause.

_ Oh god, Lovino was going to kill me. _

He had his pride, which meant he hated getting help with anything. _Stupid men and their stupid pride. _

Of course, I had my own problems with pride, and I'm sure everyone does...except one. There was a rumor going around that the recent school counselor was the most selfless person on the planet, which I doubt it, but _maybe_ it was true. Maybe Lovino could learn a thing or two about pride from this guy.

_ I needed to find Tino Vaïnämöinen. _

The blue eyed, blonde haired Tino Nyyrikki Karppinen was young, and when I say young I mean _REALLY_ young. A year younger than I am. I knew a little bit about him because the school gossips Aleksandra and Feliks told the whole school what they know about him. The only reason they called him Vaïnämöinen was, one, it _was_ supposedly his mom's last name...His _real _mother's name. There was another rumor going around that he was adopted by a sweet middle-aged lady with the last name Karppinen and that's why that unpronounceable word was in his name. The less popular suspicion is that there was a wise mythological Finnish character named Vaïnämöinen that he was nicknamed after. No one knows for sure, but what we all know is he's as good as hell at his trade.

_Sure, _I didn't trust the guy...he seemed a little shady but I'd never met him properly either. This was for the sake of one of my besties.

I knocked.

"Yes?" A tired, strangely-accented voice called from inside.

"_Thank god he's here._" I said quietly to myself while I opened the door.

I was met by a bitter-cold blast of air...You can take that in more than one way, since the air conditioning was on a _little_ too high. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.

"Hello, My name is Tino, how can I help you?" The pale-faced, fifteen-year-old Fin looked more sickly than I remembered in one of the last few times I caught a glimpse of him. I guess he doesn't get much exercise from sitting at a desk all day helping people. Poor kid.

"Um, I'm Lizzy and I...I mean my friend...needs help..." I stuttered, not knowing what to say. Last time I had visited a counselor, it has ended with the counselor's black eye. The rest is history.

"Which friend? I've seen you with more than one"

_Sheesh, he acted like an old man with nothing better to do than sit around and stalk people. _

"He has brown hair, brown eyes, curses a lot..."

"Lovino?" He confirmed, his face stiffening. " Lovino Vargas?"

"Why, yes..."

With a sigh, Tino sat down on a chair and started to fiddle with a piece of wood with "IKEA" scratched into it. The poor kid seemed to break every time he moved, as if he was going to die in a couple minutes. "His younger brother visits me from time to time. Feliciano Vargas is...he's very worried about Lovino. He sensed something was very wrong...What happened?"

"He's been cutting...himself..." I said, waiting for a fallen angel to kill me for telling a personal secret. Hopefully it was okay in this situation.

As soon as he heard that, a pained looked crossed Tino's amethyst eyes. "C-cutting? That's terrible! I'm so sorry! Cutting has taken over many a stable mind...It spreads like wild fire over the hearts of the students and..."

"Could you help him?" I interrupted, a tightness invading my throat. If this..._little kid_ didn't agree to work with him...

There was a long silence in the room and I suspected Tino was thinking. His hands drifted over to each object on the desk, a clipboard, scissors, a stuffed dog. After what felt like hours, Tino finally spoke. "I can try."

I immediately relaxed. This creepy genius was going to try at least! "Thank you!" I shouted, too happy to believe it. "Can you meet us at that park five blocks away after school gets out?"

Tino nodded, then wrote something down on his clipboard. "Yes, I'll see you then."

Once outside of Tino's office, I let out the shriek I'd been holding since...Five seconds ago?

_Task completed! Now back to the math test._

**Hiya! I hoped you liked an OOC Tino XD Yes, I act like that in real life. XD You can read Tino's story in ****Passed Away****. Slow updates but better writing I promise you. **

** Yes, Lizzy is a huge rebel. It's pretty obvious by now. She's a huge hothead but massively loyal to her friends as seen here. I kept the otaku and violence in her character as well...As will be seen in later chapters XD**

**By the way, I wrote these stories at least three months ago so this is why it's not that great XD I just edit them when I post them. Just so you know.**

** I hope you keep on reading! It will get better! -_- Thank you!**


	10. Amethyst

**Hiya readers! ^_^ I've missed you!** ** This is...An interesting chapter...A little heartbreak, a little humor...Though I have a **_**terrible**_** sense of humor.** **THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY DEAR FRIEND AMI-SAN! You're a great person, Ami! Keep it up! I mostly end up getting mad at you but don't worry, It's that way with everyone. As soon as I wrote this chapter, I thought of you for various reasons ^_^ **

** DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA AND I'VE LEARNED TO COPE WITH THAT. I ALSO DO NOT OWN HELLO KITTY OR FLAPPY BIRD XD**

I arrived at the park to find Lizzy, Kiku, and some boy with ashy-blonde hair standing around a water fountain. Kiku was holding a cute, pink picnic basket with a hello kitty keychain.

_Sh__eesh, talk about girly. __But there were other things I needed to worry about._

"Hi guys...Who the hell is _he_?" I demanded, pointing unceremoniously at the unfamiliar blonde who was too busy looking at _the damn fountain_ to notice a change in the atmosphere.

Lizzy slapped my arm. "Lovino, be nice. _He's the school counselor!_"

I froze, too horrified to be mad. "Why the _hell_ did you bring the _school counselor _along with you?!" I demanded, imagining a terrifyingly British like my old literature teacher, Charles Kirkland - though everyone mockingly called him "Charlie, the respectable fellow". He fortunately started teaching college last year, but I still saw him during graduations.

As long as he was Arthur's dad, I couldn't get rid of him.

"He's an acquaintance of your brother's." Kiku explained. "It's his second year in high school, actually."

_Okay, phew. At least he wasn't a creepy British gentleman...But..._My mouth went dry. "You don't mean that's..."

_Why was I acting so stupid today?! I'd seen the blonde before! _Of course I knew who the counselor was, I heard about him all the time!

"That's him!" Lizzy exclaimed cheerfully.

Tino Väinämöinen is a legend in our school for his gift of understanding. The poor kid doesn't attend any classes and appears to teach himself when he's not helping people. I'd only seen him a couple times outside of his tiny office. When I did, he seemed pretty sad and lonely, but I respect him as a person, 'cause I've heard of all of the the "miracles" he's done. But now, I wasn't so sure. Could he help _me_ as well as he did the others?

"Um...h-hi..." I mumbled, walking over to the boy and holding out my hand. "I'm sorry for being so rude. I'm Lovino."

Tino turned to look at me, his amethyst eyes bore into my soul, as if judging what my life had been like for the past sixteen years.

"H-Hello," he greeted cautiously, "I'm Tino. Pleased to meet you!" He finally forced a smiled and shook my outstretched hand in his two fair ones - obviously a nervous gesture. For a counselor he seemed young and unguarded...

But _those eyes..._You didn't need to examine them to realize a lot had happened in this boy's life, good and bad. It might've been unnerving to some people, but not to me.

_I'm positive that my eyes shared that same depth. _

**###**

Tino and I found an unattended patch of grass to sit on, Lizzy went to buy ice cream, and Kiku pulled a blanket from what seemed like out of nowhere and then starting messing with his picnic basket.

"Wow, Kiku! This is amazing! So much food...What is that shit?" I pointed at some meat covered in a brown glaze that Kiku had just opened.

Kiku just chuckled. "It's called teriyaki. Try some."

Truth be told, the teriyaki wasn't as good as it looked. But it was good enough. Kiku would kill me if I insulted his food..._Even if it was store-cooked._

It was nice to see everyone hanging out nicely with no bullies around to tease us about being friends. Lizzy's always known for her old school incident. Kiku, for his dysfunctional family of six. And of course, I'm always in trouble with Principal Bielschmidt. Also being with Tino was different, but a good different. He was quiet, but he always found a way to contribute to the conversation.

After dinner, Lizzy and Kiku decided to leave Tino and me in peace so we could talk privately. They said they were playing flappy bird, but I didn't see Lizzy throw her phone at anything like she usually does when playing that game so I assumed they were looking at hentai.

"So what's the problem?" Tino asked after licking a dripping cup of blue-rasberry Italian ice.

I didn't expect him to be so straight forward on this topic...but...maybe he was in a rush.

"Um..."

"Don't worry, I'm trust worthy." Tino responded, holding his hands up in a surrender motion. "It's okay if you don't want to talk to me in the beginning. Most people don't trust complete strangers, it's perfectly normal."

His comment made me feel warm inside. Maybe he could understand me better than other people. Maybe that was why Mr. Beilschmidt hired him...Since teens like to talk to other teens naturally...

"It's okay...I'm just..._shy about this kinda stuff._" I admitted.

Tino gently grasped my wrist. "May I?" I nodded, seeing nothing wrong with this action.

The kid made me feel...Safe...in some way.

Tino carefully rolled my ugly pink sweater sleeve up a little bit. I winced, not from pain but from horror. My cuts looked more disgusting than ever. Purple from bruises, red from blood. It seemed to express the inner me. _How ugly was that?_ And much to my horror and embarrassment, I began to cry.

"Lovino...are you okay?!" Tino asked concerned. He let my arm gently drop to my side.

"Oh god, _Antonio_..." I choked out. "_Help me..._" How the hell had I let that slip out?! D*mn my stupid mouth!

"Who's Antonio?" Tino took out a tiny note pad and started to scrawl notes...For the guy's birthday I swear I'd give him a safe to keep that in so it didn't get out to the public.

"He's..." I hesitated. What would they think?

"Go on..." Tino said patiently.

"He's...My brother's home room teacher..."

I waited for Tino to ridicule me, but he never did...It must've been part of counseling etiquette.

"I see. What do you like about him?" He somehow seemed to get my drift on our relationship.

"I-I..." I really didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to let the world know. In truth, I didn't even know! This was extremely embarassing, goddammit!

"It's okay, you don't _have_ to tell me." Tino said gently.

"No, _I will_." I wanted to be courageous for once. Maybe, just once, I wouldn't cry.

"It's your choice."

"H-he was kind to me..." I started with difficulty. It didn't help that Lizzy and Kiku were now staring intently at me. "He _actually_ seemed concerned when he asked me about my bandages...and then, after he left...I-I realized..._oh god, _I feel _so stupid_!" I sobbed.

"It's not stupid, Lovino." Tino consoled me. " It's normal to love the ones that treat you right. The ones that_ don't_ judge you from the outside. _People judge you too quickly, don't they?_"

I realized he was right. My outer ugliness was taking over my precious sanity.

"Yes..." I mumbled as I laid my head on the soft grass. "_I believe they do..._"

"You're tired." Kiku commented from behind me. "You should rest."

But I was already too deep in sleep to hear him. But, before I closed my eyes, I thought intensively about Tino's words.

_"Yes...they do..."_ I whispered._ "But it's not their fault." _

** Depressing no? Sorry guys XD** ** I just realized that I had been spelling Beilshmidt for a LOOOONNNNGGGG time by now XD So sorry XD ** ** By the way, like the new story pic? I made it on a painting app on my ipad! :3 The messy words just go to show that we're not perfect, but we have personality. Different things appeal to us more than others.** **Also, Charlie the respectable fellow is a character made by my cousin Legendarytoast7 XD There's no way I could come up with something so hilarious.**

**Thank you PurpleNekoWarrior for pointing out the mistakes :)**

**I hoped you enjoyed this chapter, it's one of my favorites :3 ** ** Thank you! **


	11. Omake: My Essential

**DISCLAIMER: HETALIA BELONGS TO HIMARUYA-SAMA AND L'ESSENZIALE BELONGS TO MARCO MENGONI**

I woke up the next morning feeling very tired and uncomfortable.

_ "Fratello! Fratello! Can you hear me?!"_

_That was Feli's voice..._

I blinked. Y_ep, that face in front of me was definitely Feli's._ "What the heck?! Of course I can, d*mmit!"

I tried to sit up but I was pushed back down by Feliciano.

"_Don't get up fratello, you're very ill._ I hope you'll be well enough to go on the field trip!" Then he ranted on about how amazing the cr*ppy art museum was.

Ignoring Feliciano, I sat up, praying that I wasn't still at the park. Instead, I found that I was in my own bed at home...? _How?_

"_Wait, _hold it!" I demanded, confused. "_How_ did I get here?!"

" Lizzy carried you home last nigh." He frowned. "She said you were burning up so we stripped you down to your underpants and put and ice pack on your forehead. Don't worry, we didn't see too much."

I felt a bit bad about falling asleep before I got home, but thing that _really _annoyed was Feli's blunt language about...ahem...

"Just leave me alone..." I growled, shoving the covers over my head.

"But fratello, I...!"

"_Now_!" I shouted.

"O-okay..." Feliciano pouted, but left my room without a huge fight.

Now alone, I sat up and looked at myself in the mirror on the opposite wall. Nothing had changed on the outside, unfortunately. My face still held the same scowl and those scars on my arms _still_ hadn't disappeared, but my heart had changed. I now knew, without any doubt, that I was desperately in love with that Homeroom teacher Antonio. But I was sure Antonio would never love me back. I had been a sick bastard to him when he visited, _so why should he care? _

_What the hell was happening to me?!_

"Mentre il mondo cade e pezzi,

Io compongo nuovi spazi, E desideri che,

Appartengono anche a te,

Che da sempre sei per me,

L'essenziale." I sang quietly to myself. Why, that described my feelings perfectly!

Antonio did say I have a beautiful voice...

_Should I believe him?_

He could've been lying to flatter me into being nicer...

But I did enjoy singing. Maybe I could enter the school talent show coming up next April...I doubt anyone would vote for me...would they? In my eyes I sucked!

I started to sob piteously. I wished Antonio was right next to me to comfort me...Fuck! Why did I act like this when thinking about a guy I hardly knew?

_Love at first sight?_

No, it couldn't be. I didn't deserve to be thinking about him. Me, the stupid, coward, selfish me.

_ But I still loved him..._

"Dammit!" I grabbed my trusty knife from the lamp stand and shoved it into my leg. "F**k," I whimpered. This was beneath me.

_Was it beneath me? If so,_ _why was I doing this?! _

So many questions! Antonio most likely would think I was a disgusting suicidal idiot that was under an fucking addiction.

_I hated myself so much._


	12. This Aint Love, It's Fucking Lust!

**Sorry for the wait! This one's dedicated to...well...Hi professor Kitty, I thought you'd like the references XD **

** DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA FOR FALL OUT BOY XD**

The whole "is this actually love or is this plain fuck" problem _didn't_ help me recover from my damned fever. I just lay there for the whole weekend, wondering if I'd ever make it out of bed again. Sorry, I'm pessimistic. Not my fault!

Feli came in every few hours to give me food - but he didn't stay for long. Even_ he _was smart enough to try to avoid catching my cold.

_So that left me in hell by myself._

I could've done anything to myself without anyone else knowing - I could've cut my arms a little more or even go down to my legs. But I really didn't want to feel worse than I already did. I couldn't enjoy the delicious tomatoes from Nonno's garden - they'd barely go down my throat since it was so damn swollen.

Either way, I wasn't going to get _any _better unless I relaxed and talked to someone about my problem. So I made up my mind to call someone...Someone who'd get it...

I was nervous trying to call Tino, who I had just met a few days ago, but it was the only way I could help myself out. Maybe this phone call could take a lot off my shoulders. Maybe I could get over this_ crush. _

_ So I made up my mind._

"_Feli! _Can you grab me the phone?!" I croaked, a plan simulating in my head.

Fortunately, my crazy little brother had his ears cocked for any of my wishes, however softly I asked them. He brought the phone over without question and replaced the washcloth on my forehead. "VE~! I'm glad you're well enough to talk to friends now! Kiku was getting worried."

"Ugh, don't be so happy, just get out." I muttered, too sick to curse him out.

"Okay~!"

Once he had left, I picked up the dreaded phone book I secretly kept under my bed and paged through it, searching for something Finnish sounding. _But.._.

_ Oh fuck!_

I guess it's a problem that I don't know Finnish.

###

"Bonnefoy..." I muttered to myself. "That's French..._ugh_..._Mr._ _Bonnefoy_...Braginsky...Russian."

I had tried going to the V section a few minutes earlier to find Vaïnämöinen, but that was apparently not what the phone number was listed under. _Fuck._ Now the only choice I had was to go through the _whole_ phone book. _So that's what I was doing now._

_Jones...that's obviously Alfred...Karppinen...I have no idea what the fuck that is! Estonian?! Who was Estonian in our town?! Karpusi...As in damned Mrs. Karpusi. Køhler...that was Norwegian or something in that area...Maybe I should try that one?_

So, for some stupid reason, I called that number.

"_HELLO_!?" The person on the other end of the line, obviously not Tino, shouted, almost breaking open my eardrums. Fall Out Boy was playing loudly in the background, not to mention that the person who had answered the phone seemed to be playing electric guitar on full blast along with it.

"Hello..." I answered cautiously. "I think I called the wrong number but...this is Lovino Vargas and I was trying to call this..._um_...boy from my school...Tino? Do you happen to know him maybe?"

"Tino?" The background noise immediately quieted...The guitar at least quieted down. Fall Out Boy was still killing my brain with its epicness. "Oh, he's my next door neighbor! I can give you his number if you'd like."

_Was this guy an idiot?_ You don't just _give_ your friend's phone number away without even asking the person's business - but for some reason, I was glad of it this time.

"Thank you _so _much!" I managed, trying to not scream and break out into a happy dance...That would hurt. "H-have a nice day!"

Then I hung up and phoned Tino's number.

###

The tension was almost unbearable. My nervous energy was coming back at each ring tone. Maybe this was a bad idea...I didn't have anything planned out to say. What if I couldn't talk properly and he though I was trying to prank call him?! I was glad when the other line finally clicked.

The background noise of this house was absolutely _**horrifying**_. Sounds of glasses breaking and screams seemed resonated from the phone, but maybe that was my imagination. Even if it was, this place still made me feel as if I had called one of Hitler's death camps instead of a house.

"_Heellllloooo?_" An obviously-drunk female voice slurred. "You've reached the Karppinen residence. Are you calling for my service..."

From the line, someone must've grabbed the phone and muffled the speaker since I couldn't hear the rest of the sentence. I heard the snippets of the words "Aunt" and "stop", but other than that there was nothing.

_What on earth was happening? Who drank at this time of day? It was still morning! Did that guy on the phone give me the wrong number as a joke?! If so, I was going to find him and kill him later._

"Lovino," Tino's breathless voice snapped from the other end of the line. If he didn't sound so pissed, I might've been happy to hear him. "don't _ever_ call my house number _again_ unless I'm expecting it. _Okay_?"

"Um...sorry..." I was really too shocked that I had actually got a hold of him to give a proper apology._ How did he even know that was me on the line?_ "Who was that?"

I was almost worried that the phone went dead, it was so quiet. If I could see Tino right now, he'd probably either be paling or turning bright red. "N- no one!_ Seriously! _That was just me playing a _prank_ you you, I swear! Nothing out of the ordinary!"

He sounded so panicked that, even though pranks didn't seem like his kind of thing, I decided to believe him for now and not make a big deal over it. "Um.._.okay_..."

"Anyways, how are you feeling?"

"I'm as sick as fuck." I answered.

I swore I could feel his glare from the telephone. "_Language_. Anyways, what do you need to talk about, or did you just want to chat. In that later case, I don't 'chat' is you should probably call Ki..."

"_Antonio!" _I shouted. "It's about Antonio! I'm so confused! What do I do?! I think I'm falling for him but I.D.K.! What the hell do I..."

"Woah, wait. Slow down. Start from the beginning."

So I did. I started from when I met him and how he'd been so nice. Then about my conflicting feelings I'd been feeling for the past several days. I tried to add in as much detail as possible but...

"_Lovino!_ Stop describing Mr. C to me! I know what he looks like and he's not exactly the angel you're describing! We're both in the faculty so I know!"

"Um...sorry...This is just super hard for me to explain...I don't know what I feel and I'm not going to feel any better unless I know, and..."

"I'm gonna put this bluntly - You're an _idiot_ for not figuring this out already. This can't possibly be true love yet, since you need to take some time to get to know him. Right now, it's just plain _fucking_ lust!"

_Then he hung up._

_ Um...Okay then..._

_ He must've been pissed that I called him._

**Heh - sweat drop- well that sucked. This chapter was solely written to get Tino's point across...nothing else. Oh, and also to prove that Lovino is as much as an idiot as his brother is.**

** First I wanna talk about the Omake. The little snippet of song there was from Italy's 2013 Eurovision entry L'essenziale by Marco Mengoni. I got a few people asking me about that so I just had to mention that. **

** Yes, Lovino is SICK, probably the flu. DX I'm sorry Lovi, but it's my job to make you suffer!**

** This chapter sucked a little bit...sorry. And just to tell you, Karppinen is Tino's **_**adoptive mom's **_**last name**_**. **_**To understand what just happened on the phone call, go read Passed Away. Actually...I'll let your perverted minds fly free when you imagine what happened during the phone break XD **

** See you next time :3 Reviews are appreciated. THIS. WILL. GET. BETTER. I PROMISE YOU!**


	13. I Won't Say

**Great...I am officially obsessed with the song I hated a day ago. DX You're allowed to kill me if I put this in more that one fanfic...Which I probably will. Great, I'm dead. It's a good idea to listen to this song while you're reading.**

** This fanfic is dedicated to Scotia-San. :) Do you know this song?**

** DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT AND DO NOT WANT TO OWN DISNEY XD HETALIA WOULD BE NICE THOUGH XD Kidding.**

I'm not one of those people that immediately recovers from their cold - No way. I never was, and I never fucking will be. I'm cursed with a weak body since...actually, just forget there's a paragraph on this...I don't want to get into details yet - and I probably never will.

ANYWAYS...It was after school on a Monday when I finally figured out a Disney song that strung a chord in my heart...I guess, though I'd never admit it to anyone. Kiku and Lizzy, ignoring the fact that I still had a high fever, decided to check how I was doing and ended up staying the night..._Great_...

_ And I was supposed to be getting better?_

###

A half an hour into studying, Lizzy sighed and slammed my literature textbook into the floor. "This is boring! Can we take a break?!"

"Elizabeta-Kun..." Kiku looked as if he were going into a lecture, maybe he could teach high school when he graduated college. "He is expected to finish his homework and turn it in by tomorrow - if he's even better by then."

Lizzy ignored him. "Lovi..Can we watch a movie..." Lizzy begged me, trying her best to influence me with her damn puppy eyes.

I groaned, my head already hurting from the large pile of homework that was still stacked on my desk. "Ask Nonno."

"Okay!" Lizzy shouted, immediately dashing out of the room.

_Please say no, please say no,_ I begged under my breath. I needed to get to my homework...I...I needed to sort out my feelings for Antonio! I didn't have time for..._WAIT WHAT?!_

_He _wasn't supposed to be on my mind right now. _No way! _I was too busy for love. I'd probably end up keeping myself sick forever if these thoughts kept up. After that "encouraging" phone call with a very pissed Tino, none of the thoughts about Antonio seemed to be getting better. His face seemed to pop up more into my mind than my own reflection...which might actually be a good thing. I _am_ pretty ugly.

But other than that...Antonio was an idiot!

_ Why did I love him!_ I must have _terrible _judgment! Did I even love him?! This must be the replay of _the Story of the Cliche Mix-Up that ends up in Love_...if there's even something called that. I _couldn't_ be in love. I never had been. _This couldn't be love_...

"Lovino-kun?" Kiku asked. I had almost forgot about him. "Are you okay?"

Now I realize that I had been sitting there with sweat dripping down my forehead. "I'm fine."

Kiku nodded and continued to fiddle with the heart-covered pen he'd been holding.

_Now I'm definitely hallucinating_...

_Someone kill me now!_

_###_

"WE'RE PUTTING IN THE VIDEO!" Lizzy shrieked from downstairs. "Hurry up, slowpokes!"

"What movie is it?" Kiku asked, already halfway down the stairs. I quietly trudged behind him, not in the mood to have fun.

"Hercules~!" Feli told him while handing him the DVD cover. "I love this movie so much! It's so romantic and adorable! How could anyone not like it?"

I groaned. Feli _loved_ this movie to death. I'd almost memorized it by now...

_Ugh...I'd probably be dead tomorrow._

_###_

The three of us, plus Nonno, watched through all the crazy songs, the "hero training" as Feli calls it, the ridiculous antics of everyone in the video until we got to..._this song_ - the sweet, beautiful, though absolutely annoying melody. Though I knew this song inside and out, it seemed new to me this time as I actually _thought _about the words. Even though the other people in the room were being as annoying as _hell_ with their own antics, I could still hear the song quite clearly in my head, as if my conscience was forcing it into my train of thought.

_If there's a prize for rotten judgment,_

_ I guess I've already won that_

_ No man is worth the aggravation,_

_ That's ancient history - been there, done that_

Then those annoying statue thingys started their backup section...ugh...They weren't helping _MY _problems at all. They made me remind myself of Antonio, who I barely know..._Ugh_...You'd think someone like me who was born a bastard child would learn. These feelings were _ridiculous_..._No chance, no way_...I'm _not_ in love..._What the fuck!_ _Why was this song influencing me so much?_

_It's too cliche!_

_ I won't say I'm in love!_

I facepalmed. This song seemed to mirror what I had been singing earlier. Was there a coincidence for that or was it just fate? Surely Kiku can't read my mind..._Hopefully_...

_ Unless you're dying to cry your heart out_

It's very true. Love is painful...Who wants to fall in love?! This purple girl...what ever her name was - I didn't care enough to learn it- She must've been thinking like me. Maybe it was love for her...maybe not. But I'm not in love..._There's no way I was in love_..._You need to strengthen your grip on reality, Lovino! There's such thing as heart break and "Boyfriend drama", idiota! _I didn't want to get involved in that. _I didn't want to be hurt more than i was already. My heart was already chopped into pieces. There was no chance, no way...The real me would never be in love..._But the real me had been gone since...well...four years ago.

_ You keep on denying _

_ Who you are and how you're feeling_

_ Baby, we're not buying _

_ Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling._

_ Face it like a grownup_

_ When you gonna own up_

_ That you got, got, got it bad_

And I suddenly found myself singing along to the recording. Maybe I thought I'd get away from this crush if I did - that I was wishing the crush away. But I put my heart and soul into those lyrics, not caring if everyone else was staring.

_No chance, no way_

_ I won't say it no, no_

The singing seemed to take all the stress that had been building since the beginning of the new year away. I ignored my dying throat and my raspy voice and just continued to belt the lyrics to the best of my ability. It actually sounded good - to me at least. Maybe everyone else was sobbing in the corner at my suckiness of it.

_ This scene won't play_

_ I won't say I'm in love_

_ "Is he okay?" _Lizzy asked in a hushed tone. Like I wouldn't hear her? Hmph, I heard every word.

"I don't know..."Feli answered her. "He's been acting weird since the day you went to the park."

"He really shouldn't be singing." Kiku yelled at the two of them frantically. "His voice might strain. But I guess Tino was right about...

_"SHHH!"_

_ You're way off base!_

_ I won't say it_

_ Get off my case!_

_ I won't say it!_

I wished all that agony and feelings away from me. I wasn't in love! I couldn't be!

Number one - Antonio's just a world-class idiot! Even though his handsome face invades my thoughts at least 95% percent of the time, maybe it was just an infatuation - or lust, as Tino said.

The second reason...I'm catholic. Homosexuality is wrong. I couldn't be in love. If it was wrong...God wouldn't have..._Okay, Lovino! This is not about religion! Get a grip!_

_ It's okay you're in love..._A voice told me. _It's perfectly normal to fall in love!_

_ With a guy?! _I snapped.

My conscience didn't answer, which probably meant it agreed.

_ But..._

_At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love_

It had to be love. It couldn't be anything else. It was either lust or love...

_ But either way..._This song made me realize...

_ I was in love and there was no denying it._

**YOU'RE ALLOWED TO KILL ME -holds up hands in surrender-! I KNOW THIS CHAPTER SUCKS SO NO FLAMES PLEASE DX**

** Hi, it's been a long time :) Missed you guys :)**

** I've been at my vocal camp since this Monday, and I have a ton of new songs to share with you! This is one of them.**

** I'm sure you've heard this song before: "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)" from Disney's Hercules. This one girl in my choir camp sang this and she was AMAZING. Before her, I hated this song to death. DX Now I'm a little too obsessed...Great...So I heard this song and I'm like "Hey, I'm using this in my fanfic!" :) So here it is.**

** Since all the angst for the beginning section is over, now we can get to some proper Hurt/Comfort/Romance with Spamano :) **

** Love you guys~! **

** ~Emil**


	14. Omake: Maybe This was a Bad Idea

**Another Omake! THIRD PERSON TIME! Lovi is not here...sorry. I lied. The fluff comes soon.  
DISCLAIMER: I unfortunately do not own Hetalia, nor do I own Tino's mind...Or not...XD**

The threesome that was sitting together in the counselor's office was odd. Very odd. People couldn't help but stare through the door's window at the trio eating lunch.

One of the problems was the food, of course. A ramen, sandwich, and chicken potluck doesn't sound good to anyone - especially since the sandwich was from at least a month ago and it was kinda _hard_ for Kiku to share his instant ramen with anyone.

The other thing was...Well...Tino was Tino and asked them all to sit on the floor to eat with him - and we're talking about a squeaky-clean wooden floor that Mr. Beilschmidt had just cleaned yesterday. But no one really felt like telling on them since...No one wanted to face the wrath or Tino or Lizzy - and Kiku was yet to come.

"So how'd it go?" Tino asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. He looked wearily at the two juniors and wiped his finger on the cloth napkin on his desk.

"We think it worked." Elizabeta said. "But he might've figured out our motives because a _certain someone_ gave it away." She shot Kiku a deathly glare and apologetically carried on. "Lovi started belted the song during the end and...well...That's why he's still at home with no voice."

"Well that's lovely." Tino deadpanned in such a tone that no one could really tell whether he was kidding or not. "But we need him to get out of bed ASAP, understood? Make sure he doesn't over-exert himself."

Kiku and Lizzy nodded and exchanged worried glances._ What had they gotten themselves into?_


	15. Think Again

**These chapters seem to be getting worse and worse DX **

** This goes to my friend Danny on smule :D Yay! I finally did yours!**

** DISCLAIMER: I OWN ANTONIO'S TOMATOES AS MUCH AS I OWN HETALIA, which translates as a disclaimer...SAD HUH?**

It was a week and a half later when Nonno finally let me go outside - and my god! That was a huge mistake. A _**HUGE**_ MISTAKE.

The autumn air caressed and messed up my hair once I was outside, shivering in a wool blanket that should've been damn warm enough to keep me from freezing my ass off. _I guess it didn't help that I wasn't wearing anything but my underwear underneath. _

_ AHEM! _Anyways, my thoughts had seemed to clear as the cool air refreshed my senses. Yes, I loved Antonio but _no_, I couldn't stop my life just to be with him. I'd read enough romance novels to know heart break is inevitable.

_ Sorry love life, but you'll just have to wait. _

Besides, I didn't want Lizzy to tell the whole school that we were dating, and/or ship us in her yaoi club. And now that I think about it - oh yeah - Antonio probably isn't interested. Love is _blind_ - I obviously know that cliche - but it also seems to bring out the selfishness in others...Especially in _me_.

So to summarize that paragraph - My life was hard enough, I didn't need to deal with a damn _boyfriend_ telling me to lose weight to look better for him.

And also - how many people in my grade actually _date_? I know Lizzy is dating Roderich from a grade below us. I personally don't understand why she likes him - he's a snob and lives for his music - but there must be something. Other than that, people seen to keep their relationships a secret.

I_ don't_ fucking blame them. Love is embarrassing.

_I should know first hand._

But was it love? I still didn't know.

Tino had identified it as lust...But...He was probably in a bad mood when I called so...maybe he was exaggerating? Maybe he had misspoken in his anger.

Something about this counselor mildly bothered me - like an itch at the back of my neck. There was something about him...I vaguely remember the first day he came to this school - his back against the wall, those pale arms folded in distaste. The annoyed way he answered his questions to the way he ate his lunch - maybe he couldn't be trusted. But the stress of being a counselor should be able to take anyone down. _Why wasn't he dead by now_, to say it bluntly. It was like he was _telling_ someone about my problems...When I asked it to be personal. It was like he was plotting something behind my back with other people...

_But why?_

What did_ I_ do to him to piss _him_ off so badly?

I started to get up. No, I didn't know where he was but _so what_? I needed to find him and ask him.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten about the blanket which had fallen around my legs.

_Fuck_, it was cold...

"Do you need my assistance?" A cheery, accented voice called from the sidewalk.

_ Just my luck..._

Tino was immediately forgotten when Mr. Sunshine and Tomatoes started towards me - a basket of that delicious red fruit under one arm and a math textbook under the other.

_ Did the tomatoes make him ay hotter? I doubt it. Besides, that's a stupid reason for thinking someone hot._

"When did you get here." I grunted, attempting to wrap the damn blanket around myself. Unfortunately, my limbs turned into jelly at the thought of Antonio standing before me.

Antonio smiled that breath-taking smile of his, making me feel more lightheaded than ever. "Just now, obviously. I heard that you weren't sick and I decided to bring some tomatoes to eat~!"

I sighed. Seriously Antonidiota? "I hate to break it to you but whoever said that was lying."

Antonio's smile wavered the slightest bit. "Anyways, you didn't answer my question ~! Do you need help~?"

I looked down at the blanket on the ground. My instincts must've kicked in because I immediately came to my senses and covered my almost bare body. I felt the blush creeping up my face as I realized what Antonio had just seen. "NO! I don't need help! Thank you very much not!"

"You _are _cute when you blush." He commented, taking a step closer to me. "Just like a tomato~!"

"Go to fucking hell!" I shouted at him.

Antonio just laughed.

I swore I heard Nonno call for me to come in and get a spanking or some other punishment shit.

_For once, I didn't mind. _

**I'M SORRY IT SUCKED DX DON'T KILL ME. **

** I'm sorry this took so long DX I got stumped...Badly...DX I've been busy with **_**Home is Where the Heart is **_**and**_** Hold On.**_** Read those if you haven't already please :D **

** So the next chapter is in Antonio's POV with a little bit of a plot twist. :D Enter Lizzy's match making skills! **

** Thanks guys! :)**


	16. Clueless

**I lied. Lizzy isn't a match maker in this one.**

** Plumcot-Senpai and I both say this is the best chapter yet. I hope you enjoy it as much as we do. **

** This chapter is dedicated to my friend Sebastian-Senpai who's never given up on me when waiting for me to respond to RP XD I've never given up on him either so I hope you like this...I was gonna give you the chapter that had hints of Kuroshitsuji in it but I think you deserve this awesome chapter more. Oops, spoilers XD **

** Warnings: Everyone is ganging up on Antonio today XD **

** DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia. Period. **

I'm sure you've thought once or twice about my strange love for children. I admit that I have too. I don't get it. Even my parents didn't love children as much as I do, which is kind of weird. I don't even have kids! What I can say was my first job was babysitting for...well...I actually used to babysit Ludwig - but you really couldn't call it _baby_sitting at the age he was in. Even f I _had_ babysat him at the proper age, it's probably impossible for him to be called a _baby_.

Since I needed to support myself in a better way than babysitting kids, I'm now teaching at the public school.

_Maybe that was a bad idea. _

Most of the kids were only a little younger than I was and I _for sure _didn't have the "commanding" voice like most of the other teachers have. I don't think it was possible for me to have one. It didn't fit.

Francis and Gilbert always told me I was too nice to defend myself and it might be true. I can't tell people off without feeling bad - not can I hit someone, even to save my life.

It's hopeless. I can't hurt people.

So it was came as a shock when a defiant brunette girl cornered me in the hall after school one day.

###

"Antonio Fernandez Carriedo! Get your ass over here right now."

I winced. The brunette's voice sounded like how my mama sounded when she was mad. No one ever called me by my whole name. It was either "Antonio", "Carriedo", "idiot", or "Mr. Carriedo", which - to tell you the truth - I hated. But this was worse than being called 'Mr. Carriedo" by some preppy little student - this was like being called in for a death sentence. "Yes, ma'am?"

Then I realized the voice that had called me wasn't the voice of any of my superiors. It was the voice of a girl - maybe a bit older than the age I taught.

My eyes strained to see who it was standing at the opposite end of the hallway._ God, I really need to get glasses._

The girl's hair was a caramel brown and tumbled well past her shoulders. Her red mini-skirt looked a bit too short for my liking. Her eyes glowed green like a black cat in the night - menacing and guarded. She seemed familiar to me, but I couldn't place her as she came closer to me.

"You! You idiot of all idiots!" She screamed at me. "What the hell do you think you're doing toying with Lovino's heart like that?! Do you know how much pain he goes through?! Don't act like the damn king of the world!"

I just stood there dumbfounded. _Toying with Lovi's heart?_ I hadn't even seen him since last week, if you aren't counting the numerous times I saw him in the hallway. What was this girl talking about? "It's not your place to address me as that, young lady." I said with difficulty, trying to get into my respectable teacher mode.

_ Oh, did I mention that I don't have one?_

I failed miserably.

The girl smirked and took several more steps towards me - close enough to slap me across the face. And slap me she did. A _hard _one.

"I'll call you whatever I want asshole. Now answer my questions!"

I was still as confused as hell as I rubbed my throbbing cheek. "Um...Who are you~?" I asked, taking a couple tentative steps away from the girl.

"Elizabeta Hedervary. Now explain. _**Now.**"_

Oh yes. I'd seen this Elizabeta pick up Feli at the end of the day.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I told her.

"Elizabeta-Chan," A new voice came. "This is not the way to address the problem."

Kiku Honda stepped out from a classroom, his sandals scratching against the floor. His usually blank eyes looked as hard as glittering diamonds and I wondered if this also had something to do with Lovino.

"Hello Antonio-Sensei." He said, bowing politely. "Excuse Elizabeta-Chan's hurried actions and please be kind enough to hear us out."

"Hey!" Elizabeta made a face. I ignored it and nodded for Kiku to continue.

"Lovino is a...Well...He's a very close friend of ours despite his unsavory attitude." Kiku winced. "We do not appreciate you treading over his feelings without realizing it since he's very good at hiding it. We also..."

"Look," I said, interrupting him. "I don't even know what you're talking about. What's wrong with Lovi and what do I have to do with it? And who's we?"

"Well..."

"We is us!" Lizzy said, pushing Kiku off of the imaginary podium. "Kiku and I! We _worry_ about Lovi! He's been cutting since the time we knew him and it only seems to be getting worse now that _you're_ around! He _loves_ you! He's giving his heart to you and you don't seem to notice! Soon he'll be ruined and it'll be _your_ fault!"

"Elizabeta-chan, you're being rude." Kiku said quietly. 'But I must agree with you." He turned to me, his silent aura becoming more and more intimidating by the second. "Mr. Carriedo, you're being unfair to Lovino. He has feelings just like you and I do. And you're all that's on his mind currently. Try at least to say hi to him in the hallway even if he 'hates' it. He may be too shy to express it to you but he deserves some slack. His mother died and his personality changed because of it. He was a happy little child when I first met him but then..."

If it was even possible, Kiku's eyes darkened even more than before.

"You get my point. He's a broken, inexperienced child who needs more guidance in the world. _Give it to him!_ He may seem abrasive and rude but he's not! You need to look deeper and stop daydreaming about..._Crap!"_

I knew Kiku Honda as the quiet Japanese boy two grades above mine. I knew him as scattered parental figure for my student Li. We all knew him as the only boy who'd shriek and cry if a centipede was crawling on the floor, but I'd never seen him or even imagined him losing it like this. We all have our internal monsters but most of us let it go enough to not blow up so badly as to give of such a...hurt aura...

"You guys are _both_ being unreasonable."

I hadn't realized we were right by the counselor's office until he came out of it. Tino is twelve years younger than me. He always will be. But_ he_ is the one that seemed to achieve the authoritative teacher aura the easiest. Maybe it's natural to him but there's something about him that makes me suspect it isn't.

"Oh...Tino-Kun..."

Tino shook his head in disappointment. "You can't expect Mr. Carriedo to read Lovino's mind and feels those feelings with that dense mind of his. "

"Hey~!" I protested. "I'm not _that_ clueless~!"

A playful look of challenge crossed Tino's amethyst eyes. "Wanna bet?"

I put my hands up in surrender. Sometimes you can never win. "Fine. I'll leave now." I said, edging for the door. These three auras didn't calm my nerves so I decided it best to run out of there as fast as I could - and so I did.

_ Lovino...I should talk to him sometime._

**Well...How was it? I was stumped on it until today, so I wrote more than half of this chapter in less than an hour XD Not stumped anymore XD Review?**


End file.
